I don't know where four in the morning came from. It was a blitz attack.

I wish I weren't riddled with the simultaneous hatred of my own appearance and impatience to change it. I have accepted my body and what I look like, but that doesn't mean I embrace it. In fact, sometimes I look in the mirror and  hate myself for looking the way I do.

But hey, I have no one to blame but myself. I make up all these excuses for myself when it all boils down to my inability to see the long-term. I get discouraged if something is not instant. This is a major character flaw.

I have a lot of those. I guess that's why I always have these negative speculations at four in the morning. 

I'm trying to cope. I need either to embrace what I look like who I am how much I weigh or I need to fix the things that I can fix. I can't pout about it anymore. It's destructive. 

I'm other news Jesus fucking Christ its hot in here.