I look at these pictures and I realize how long ago they actually were. All of them are from freshman year. That picture of Jessica and I was taken at her high school graduation party. That is how old I am right now. Khala and I used to walk around our neighborhood like that almost every day after school. We have our license now, so it made little things like that obsolete, but I never thought about how much of our friendship was built by that proximity.
That Christmas party was one of the best I'd ever been to. I remember Raven's old house - I know she hated that house, but I was in love with that house - and I remember that musky basement where we had all our fun. Seth is there, so was Connor, and then there's Aaron. Good old Aaron. It would be a long time before I found someone who made me happy like Aaron made me happy. I dated him for six months, and I never told him I loved him because I never did. I was fifteen, and I was miserable. He made me happy because he made me feel like I mattered, but once he helped me to find the self-esteem to stand my own ground, I realized that I did not want to be with him anymore. He deserved better than me.
And then Raven and Khala and I, we were a trio back then. We were best friends, and there were no falling outs, no misinterpreted signals or choosing one side over the other this year. I forget sometimes how nice it was.
And then there is sophomore year, the finest of them all. Actually, sophomore year from me is a bit of a blur for me. It started out uneventful, and then I met Cameron. We look happy in that picture, don't we? We were happy then. But in general, oh, we weren't happy. We fought every day, and every day, he would tear me down until I thought that I was a worthless pile of nothing with a boyfriend who was so amazing because he put up with my bullshit. I almost lost everything because of him, but I got everything back. Mr. Thoma helped me through it all, and I still miss his class terribly. He will always be the greatest man I ever knew in high school.
That photo at Matt's was from Baby Thanksgiving. That was when he was with Lila. I remember talking about her all night with him, and I remember how in love he was. I remember how his whole life was ahead of him and man, he was so smart and he was athletic and funny and driven and he was going places. He was my best friend. I miss that Matt. No, I don't miss 2010 Matt. I just remember how I had never heard him talk about a person with such adoration that he talked about her, and even when they fought, you could tell by the tone of his voice that he still saw her as the best thing that had ever happened to him. I remember how she was his motivation to do well, to be good, to be safe and to be kind. She was his better half, and he used that to become the best version of himself I've seen so far. Their relationship wasn't perfect, but it was the only thing I've ever seen play a driving force in his life. So no, I don't miss 2010 Matt. I just miss Happy Matt.
Taylor came into the picture sophomore year. She's the most significant part that still affects me today because she is the single most important aspect of my life. I have always been friends with her, and I have known her since kindergarten, but she had always kind of been on the sidelines before. I had Khala and Raven, and I loved Taylor, but she was more or less a runner-up. But then Cameron started taking little pieces of my life away. I lost Khala. I lost Raven. I lost almost everybody... but not Taylor. Taylor put up with all of my irrationality and my excuses because she's loyal and because she's wonderful. Taylor will always hold a special place in my heart because she stayed, she helped me when no one else cared to do so, and I would be in a horrible place if she hadn't been there. I hope she knows how much I love her.
And junior year, I can hardly remember junior year! Prom is the biggest memory in my mind. I remember the dance hardly at all, but staying out until 5 listening to live ukelele music ad Daniel Carr's house was probably one of the memories I'll carry around for the rest of my life. And in the second picture, K Kuo. Can't sayy no to the Kuo. Oh good lord, I loathed that man. We were both in positions of power in Latin club and he took it too seriously, but in that picture, we forgot all of that petty stuff for a second and appreciated each other's company.
And Dr. Allen in that last one, I remember her class so clearly. I never thought I'd see the day when I missed it, but that class made me feel like I belonged. Even through the homework and the essay tests, it gave me a sense of unity with people in my grade that I've never felt in another class before. Junior year wasn't very important, and it's all a bit of a haze of Joe Joe Joe, but I was happy. I really was.
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