I don't want to be poetic,
but I need a way to organize my thoughts that makes sense.

On the other hand, it's not like I'm poetic anyway.
Rhymes are for squares.

1. Forgetting about the worries that plague me works just about as well as when I try to use a pair of fucking chopsticks.

3. I haven't been sleeping much lately and I know it's not by choice, at night, anyway. During the day, it's hard for me to focus on anything except how low my energy level has dropped. Living feels like a pointless waste of energy sometimes. I'm waiting for the candid camera to come out and be like, "We're just fucking with you here. You're actually not this shitty of a person. You are able to overcome yourself."

4. I feel trapped in this dorm on this campus in this town. I cannot live here when I am older. I cannot. I cannot. I cannot. Driving back home from Bloomington was like feeling open air on you arm after your cast is taken off. It was liberating, and this place is suffocating. It surprised me, the way this hit me on my way home Saturday night, because I've never felt anything like it before - I am outgrowing Terre Haute, Indiana. Instead of wanting to be back home, I was worried that going to college here was going to trap me here. I am bigger than this place and I hope that nothing is going to stop me from getting out when I find a better fit.

5. I am sorry that I have grown to rely on you as much as I do. I don't know if it's healthy, but I need you to keep going. I need you for the rest of my life. It absolutely terrifies me.

6. I am so tired of finding flaws in things. I am so tired of worrying about things that are not happening. I am so tired of being consumed by things that make me less of the person I want to be. It's exhausting. It's heartbreaking.

Maybe I should tuck myself in and get some sleep.