Lazy Saturdays.

Today, I sat at home and did nothing. The only time I left the house was to go to the store to purchase 18 ounce steaks for my father and me. My mom is out of town today helping my brother move into his new house. It's been a while since I talked to my father, really talked. He's not a talkative man as it is. Today, though, he taught me chords on the guitar and I taught him how to play a couple of songs. We watched Doctor Who and cooked together. It's memories like these I'll keep with me forever when I remember why I love and admire my father so much.

I've thought about a lot of things, though. When I'm by myself, I get wrapped up inside my own head. Must be why I can't sort anything out. I'm never alone these days. I'm always running off to school or work or Wal-Mart or Panera. Something comes up. It's never just me.

Everything in my life has a countdown. A clock is ticking in my head and I can feel its presence like a ghost. This room of mine, these teal walls and this television that broke over a year ago, is where I've slept my entire life. In less than a year, I'll be in the confines of a dorm with one other girl, who may be Khala or may be a stranger. It all depends. My parents, the wonderful people who raised me with love and compassion for which I will forever be indebted, are a constant presence. In less than a year, they'll be present in phone calls and weekend visits. Someday soon, my friends will all scatter in their different directions to sort out the rest of their lives and even though we all promised and swore up and down we'd be close through it all, someday we'll all just be the classic, timeless tale of those we used to know.

I don't want to be left grasping at stars.