Last Year.

Last year, on my old blog, I wrote five things that I learned about love in that year. Soon, I will post entirely new ones; however, in order to move forward, we must learn from the past. Here are the five from 2011. If you so desire, you may read them here:




2011 made me a little older and wiser. Especially about relationships. We all know I’m such a pro at those… right. I’m a mess trying to be a pro, more like it. My love life this year, if physically represented, would have crime scene tape around it. So here are some things that I’ve learned about them. Maybe next year it will paint a prettier picture.

1. You have every right to be unsure of what you want, but you can’t make someone you love pay for your indecisiveness. It’s completely unfair, and it guarantees that everyone gets hurt more than they need to. Even if you make the wrong decision, you’re more likely to repair the damage from that than the damage you cause by dragging things out much longer than they need to and repeatedly peeling off the scabs that should’ve healed over long ago.

2. Sometimes, you can’t “just be friends.” Sometimes, you’re not going to have that perfect goodbye like you want where you meet up at a coffee shop and talk about how you wish each other the best. Sometimes, the last words are going to be bitter and things are going to be messy. Sometimes, you’re going to cry and scream and curse out your last words to a person at the top of your lungs. But it’s not a book or a movie; you can’t keep adding on until the ending is right. In real life, the screen doesn’t just fade to black when your optimal scenario happens. Life continues on afterward, and it isn’t always pretty. Sometimes, you’re going to have to accept that.

3. To love more is not always the best solution. To love more sometimes provides the perfect place to retreat into when things turn sour. “But I love him” is not a magical fix for everything that happens. Love illuminates your life. It makes the good better and the bad more bearable. However, it will never step in and change anything undesirable. Almost everything remains the way it was before. The only thing that changes is your perspective. Relationships aren’t a necessity; they’re an addition, and that addition is meant to make you happy. If it doesn’t, you’re not required to stay.

4. When it comes to how you feel about someone, it’s never a good idea to “spare their feelings.” If you don’t want to be with them, tell them you don’t want to be with them. It’ll sting. They might cry or say something hurtful, and this may hurt you because you care about them and don’t want to see them upset. However, this does not give you the right to put a little band aid on it by slipping “right now” or “at this point in time” into the rejection. When someone cares about you, little words like “maybe” can create a little spark of hope, and that little spark of hope can grow into a wildfire of infatuation. It might suck to give them a little paper cut on their heart, but trying to spare their feelings will turn that paper cut into a machete to the abdomen. Don’t lead anyone on, even if it’s unintentional. It’ll make things so much less painful in the long run for both of you.

5. You cannot change someone that you care about. You can’t create your own soul mate; the whole point of loving somebody is accepting who they are even if some of the things they do annoy the living shit out of you. Maybe they're too loud in public and they don't take things as seriously as you do. You have every right to be annoyed by their faults; however, you have absolutely no right to try and alter them as a person. They’re the only one who can decide what kind of person they are, not you. They’re not made of clay waiting for your artistic hands to turn them into a perfect human being. The only thing you can do is learn to accept those things. If you can’t, maybe you don’t need to be together.