Every time my family starts to talk about Matthew, I just want to walk out of the room. I hate all of these new questions that arise - is he going back to school, will he get a job, where will he be living... all of it adds up to one thing: an inconsistent, insecure, lazy nineteen-year-old who is under the impression that he is wise beyond his years.
It makes me think back to two years ago when he was dating Lila. Yes, he had a lot of complaints about her, but truly, she brought out the best in his personality. She made him want to exercise and eat healthy food. She made him want to be nice to people. She made him want to try in school. She gave him respect and love, and in turn, he gave her his heart. I remember one fall evening, he picked me up after work and we drove around until two in the morning trying to plan out the perfect date for Lila. We made a playlist. We found a place out in the country for him to take her to look at the stars. He wanted to amaze her, and I'm sure he did. What happened to that person?
I remember this summer, just a couple of weeks before school started, Matthew stopped by my house without warning after work to ask me if I wanted to stay at his house. I was surprised, but pleasantly so, so I grabbed my phone charger and he and I headed to Denny's at 11 PM. While we sat in there, Matthew discussed how upset he still was over Lila. They had broken up two weeks before, but he said he knew it was inevitable. He said he wanted to focus entirely on school. After that, he took me around town and showed me all of these different places where he had memories of her. And I let him talk because I knew he needed someone just to listen. What happened to that person?
Don't get me wrong - I am happy that he is not sad. I know he does not have to be with Lila to be happy, or with anyone at all really. But I miss the person he was when he was with Lila. She complemented him very well. Right now, just barely making it back into a second semester of school, throwing ridiculous parties every weekend and using them as excuses not to get his work done, getting fired from his job for being too hungover to get out of bed.... That's not who Matthew is supposed to be.
I hope he realizes he's worth more than that before he does something permanent to his life.
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