Late late late.

I'm at home when I should be in anatomy because I was too embarrassed to walk in and say, "Hey, I stayed up way too late worrying that I had a brain tumor, so I overslept, and also my mom lost my keys, so." Honestly, I should probably be there taking notes, but I just couldn't do it.

I need to see someone this summer. I can't go to college with this kind of mentality. I think about dying constantly, so much so I'm afraid I won't even be able to live a happy life during a time where I'm going to school for free, living with someone I like, and working somewhere I love with people I adore.

I hate this feeling. I hate this constant looming doubt that I'm healthy. And when it's not health, it's something else. Maybe talking to someone will help me.

But honestly, I'm more scared that it won't. Then I'm stuck with this crippling fear that's so bad I can't even go give blood because I'm too scared they'll find something wrong with me and I never could try out for sports, even when I thought I wanted to, because that involved getting a physical and that was too traumatic for me.

I really do need help.