I've gotten to an incredibly dangerous place. I don't want to go to college.  I don't want to spend time with my family. I don't want to be loved by anyone. I don't want to go near anyone or anything  because I don't deserve it, and I don't deserve it because in my own mind I am dying and I'm only going to complicate it all, only going to cause them pain.

The world is not fucking fair. Why is this happening to me? I feel like I'm bargaining with someone and all this blog is anymore is one big pity party. But it's so much deeper than that. This blog is the worst of me.

I don't even like the best of me anymore. Not tonight, anyway.