I'm too dependent on you. 

I had to stop myself several times today from texting you with this nonsense I've got floating around in my head. Being here is disrupting my entire world and I feel like I'm about to crash and burn.

I always look at you to calm me down and it's not fair to you, but it's not fair to me either. Somehow I managed without you once, so somewhere in my life I developed coping skills.

I need to try to find some of who I was before I met you. You bring out the very best in me, and I'll always love you for that. I just unfairly expect you to take the worst of me and cast it aside while I do nothing. That's not fair.

I don't know how to be myself in college. I think I missed the window for friendship. People are already close and I'm never here to form bonds with people. It makes being here incredibly lonely. It kind of hurts, being here.

I also don't know how to manage my course load. All I think about every single day is when is this due how do I get that done oh god what does this mean when can I do that - 

Stop.

I need to breathe. I am tucking myself in early tonight and buckling down tomorrow. I can't do anymore tonight.