give me unrealistic expectations for men.
1. Jensen "I've got daddy issues and have literally been to hell and back but I'm the still the cutest big brother" Ackles.
2. Jared "People on tumblr call me a moose and I never cut my hair but really I grew from this adorable thing to this epitome of sexy" Padalecki.
3. Misha "What the hell is wrong with my name and I'm the silliest person ever in real life but I play a gay angel in a trench coat" Collins.
4. David "I play a death eater AND an alien and I'm sexy as hell with both my English and my Scottish accent and no one can really pinpoint what makes me so damn attractive but look at this face" Tennant.
5. Arthur "I'm Rory and I'm basically the exception to all natural laws in the universe and also I waited 2,000 years for love" Darvill.
Like I just need to stop watching television because nothing can compare to these stupid perfect people.
Monday, February 25, 2013
Used To It
“You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they’re as dull as a brick? Then there’s other people, when you meet them you think, 'Not bad. They’re okay.' And then you get to know them and… and their face just sort of becomes them. Like their personality’s written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful.”
There is the type of first-date giddiness that leaves you soaring, and then there is deep-rooted contentment that lines the cells in your body and leaves you wondering what on earth you ever did before this.
And fuck, sometimes I just can't help but feel like that.
There is the type of first-date giddiness that leaves you soaring, and then there is deep-rooted contentment that lines the cells in your body and leaves you wondering what on earth you ever did before this.
And fuck, sometimes I just can't help but feel like that.
Sunday, February 24, 2013
I'm a sack of crazy.
I spend most moments of every day worrying about things I know, in the logical part of my brain, probably won't happen. It's getting stronger, though, and it's harder to tell myself that these thoughts of mine a re some sort of self-created paranoia. When I get any kind of bruise, bump, ache, or pain in my body, my mind creates this delusion: "oh my god, you're sick. You're dying." It keeps me from thinking of anything else.
And I thought it would be okay. When I went to the doctor and got a clean bill of health, I was so relieved. I thought I would be okay because my body was okay. Then, alarmingly quickly, everything else started to make me afraid - my friends go on trips, and I worry they'll crash their car. I drive during rush hour, and out of the corners of my eyes, I see every little thing that could happen to me. I worry about my parents and my friends and myself in other situations now, too, because my health is fine.
That's when I realized that it isn't my body. It's never been my body. My mind is the one that's crippled, and I don't know how to keep talking myself out of these states because there are no panic attacks to accompany them. There are no outbursts of anxiety - it's more muted than sharp, but it is still constantly there looming over me, and I can't find any kind of relief from it.
Every once in a while, I go through this, and for a few months, it creates this wall in my mind between myself and the real world. I can't find a way to escape it. I know it will happen sometime, but right now I just need to be alright again.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Sigh
Everything in my life is going perfectly. I cannot imagine anything else I could want or need. My best friends are beautiful people who keep me laughing and keep me grounded. My boyfriend is a wonderful man who makes me feel like I'm something special. My family loves me so much and they do everything for me. My grades are perfectly fine, better than fine really. My scholarship interview went well,
and there is really nothing in general wrong with my life. I am happy, so happy. I am happier than I think I've ever been.
How long will this last, though? Those are the holes I've been poking into things. Khala and Taylor light up my life and soon we will all split up for college. I will fill my weekends with people who I am sure are wonderful. But they won't be Khala or Taylor. They won't be Tyler. They won't say "twerkeando" or tell everyone who will listen the embarrassing things I used to do in sixth grade. Maybe this change will be good for me, but the thought of it honestly breaks my heart.
Isaias is so perfect. I spent Valentine's Day with him, and this is turning into the best relationship I've ever had. He makes me so happy, and it astounds me that this happiness does not come with strange conditions or restrictions. We are just together, and it doesn't have to be any simpler or more complicated than that. Being with him is so easy and I could see myself doing it for a long time. But that's what worries me. If I get this scholarship, I have four years invested in this town. What if he doesn't want to stay here that long? What if he goes to college somewhere else? What if he decides that settling down with his first real girlfriend isn't what he wants to do? These are the things I worry about all the time when I shouldn't. It's too soon. But I'm so scared that all this happiness will end in heartbreak.
And my family. Look at my dad and look at how he coughs in his sleep. Someday, someday probably sooner than my mom, he is going to die. His cigarettes are going to kill him.
After writing that sentence, I don't even want to talk anymore. Goodnight.
and there is really nothing in general wrong with my life. I am happy, so happy. I am happier than I think I've ever been.
How long will this last, though? Those are the holes I've been poking into things. Khala and Taylor light up my life and soon we will all split up for college. I will fill my weekends with people who I am sure are wonderful. But they won't be Khala or Taylor. They won't be Tyler. They won't say "twerkeando" or tell everyone who will listen the embarrassing things I used to do in sixth grade. Maybe this change will be good for me, but the thought of it honestly breaks my heart.
Isaias is so perfect. I spent Valentine's Day with him, and this is turning into the best relationship I've ever had. He makes me so happy, and it astounds me that this happiness does not come with strange conditions or restrictions. We are just together, and it doesn't have to be any simpler or more complicated than that. Being with him is so easy and I could see myself doing it for a long time. But that's what worries me. If I get this scholarship, I have four years invested in this town. What if he doesn't want to stay here that long? What if he goes to college somewhere else? What if he decides that settling down with his first real girlfriend isn't what he wants to do? These are the things I worry about all the time when I shouldn't. It's too soon. But I'm so scared that all this happiness will end in heartbreak.
And my family. Look at my dad and look at how he coughs in his sleep. Someday, someday probably sooner than my mom, he is going to die. His cigarettes are going to kill him.
After writing that sentence, I don't even want to talk anymore. Goodnight.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Saturdays.
Today, I have accomplished:
- waking up at approximately 12:45 P.M
- watching a season of Arrested Development
- working out for an hour
- eating a sandwich from Jimmy John's
- showering and changing from one pair of sweat pants to another
- jumping right back onto the Supernatural fandom
- sims
Look how productive I am!
- waking up at approximately 12:45 P.M
- watching a season of Arrested Development
- working out for an hour
- eating a sandwich from Jimmy John's
- showering and changing from one pair of sweat pants to another
- jumping right back onto the Supernatural fandom
- sims
Look how productive I am!
In Place
I have the most silly, ridiculous, wonderful friends anyone could ask for, and I will never forget the nights like tonight.
Bitch took bow-lets for you, and you're a muffin in a sea of cupcakes. Learning how to moonwalk and eating cheese quesadillas. Comparing our bodies to those of the drag queens on television and booty tooches!
These are the stories I'll tell.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Holy shit I never want to forget about this night or the labia people.
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Whoops a fandom survey.
And it's probably going to be entirely Doctor Who and Supernatural.
Just because. :)
Your current OTP
Doctor/Rose and Amy/Rory. No one will ever change my mind. I don't really have any ships on Supernatural because no one ever stays long enough on the show.
A pairing you initially didn’t consider but you changed your mind.
Initially, I was a huge Eleven/Amy shipper. I hated Rory because how dare he step in on the Doctor and Amy. Now, however, I love Amy/Rory almost as much as Ten/Rose. They're beautiful. I mean just look at this:
A pairing you have never liked and probably never will.
Wincest! I will never understand how people out there want Sam and Dean to have sex. They're brothers, okay? I think their relationship as a family is wonderful, and I love how much they care about each other, but they are my literal broTP. I will never ship them together.
A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.
I wish I liked Eleven/River, but I just can't bring myself to like her at all. I think I'd enjoy a lot of Eleven's episodes more if I liked her or their ship.
What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom.
The Harry Potter fandom! I've been a part of this fandom for seven years. Always.
Do you remember your first OTP, if so, who was in it?
My first OTP was Ron/Hermione. I really liked Lupin/Tonks too, but Ron/Hermione was the first real couple I ever obsessed over.
Do you prefer characters from real action series or anime series?
I wish I liked anime, but I just can't.
Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms?
Tumblr hasn't really stopped me from liking any fandoms, but the Doctor Who fandom is crawling with nasty people who yell at each other for things that don't matter and it makes me hate some of them.
Name a fandom you didn’t care/think about until you saw it all over tumblr?
The Supernatural fandom! I thought Supernatural sounded stupid, but it kept popping up on my dash so I decided to give it a shot.
How do you feel about the other people in your current fandom?
In Doctor Who, I think that some of them are brilliant. There's this one girl I follow who makes Pipersmith AU gifsets and they're beautiful, and then people post funny shit all the time. But there are tons of weird wars within it. Classic Who vs. NuWho, RTD vs. Moffat, etc.
Your favorite fan artist/author/gif maker gives you one request, what do you ask for?
I actually have an answer to this. I am ashamed of myself, hahaha. Doomslock is my favorite one on tumblr because she makes Pipersmith AUs, where Rose Tyler is the Doctor and Eleven is her companion. I never woulad have thought I'd like that, but I love it. I'd ask for a gifset based around one of the Christmas specials.
Your favorite fanfiction or fanauthor?
I actually don't read fanfiction anymore, so I don't have one.
Choose a song at random, which OTP does it remind you of:
iTunes chose "Come What May" by the Scene Aesthetic. I guess we can go with... Amy/Rory? I don't know.
Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas)
AU in which Amy is the Doctor and Rory is her companion.
Why the fuck is this not a thing
I hope it's a thing
A ship you’ve abandoned and why
A pairing you ship that you don’t think anyone else ships
I don't know. :( I think all of my ships are common.
I SHIPPED SAM/RUBY THOUGH UNTIL SHE ENDED UP BEING EVIL. :C
Show us an example of your personal headcanon
If you mostly have homoships, do you have any heteroships
-
If you mostly have heteroships, do you have any homoships
Destiel okay? I can't help it. It's real. I didn't believe everyone when they said it was canon, but it's so ridiculously canon.
Are you one of those fans who can’t watch anything without shipping
Um basically yes. I need my ships. I'm a sailor.
5 favorite characters from 5 different fandoms
Doctor Who - Rory Williams
Sherlock - John Watson
Supernatural - Dean Wincheste
Harry Potter - Severus Snape
New Girl - Schmidt
3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms
Doctor Who - Doctor/Rose
Harry Potter - Ron/Hermione
New Girl - Nick/Jess
A fandom you’re in but have no ships from
Sherlock! I don't really want anyone to be together in Sherlock.
Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go
can we just talk about how all of the Doctors are going to be in the 50th anniversary
I am legitimately more excited than words can express. If Nine and Ten come back, what if Rose comes back? What if Amy and Rory make an appearance? OR DONNA. And I get to experience classic and new Who at the same time! I cant even begin to tell you how much this occupies my thoughts. It's ridiculous. BUT IT BETTER BE PERFECT. I'm counting on you Moffat!
Labels:
doctor who,
harry potter,
supernatural
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
Write, for example, 'The night is starry and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'
The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.
Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.
She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.
Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.
To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.
This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.
The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.
Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.
I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.
Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.
Sappy Valentine's Day Surv.
Who do you like and why?
I'm in a relationship with Isaias right now, and I like him for a lot of reasons I could prattle on about for hours, but I'll leave it at he's just fantastic.
Have you ever been in love? If yes, how many times, and how do you know it was love?
No no no. I never say it in a relationship, but I always think it after the fact. The only person I ever told I loved in person was Cameron, and I thought it was love because my whole perspective of life was distorted.
Longest relationship you've ever been in, and why did it end?
If you want to call Joe a relationship, my longest relationship was 410 days. It ended because I'm insecure and he's unstable.
Have you ever changed for someone, if yes, how?
I suppose so. I became subservient.
Pretend I'm you ex, what do you want to say to me?
Joseph,
There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave -
You were what I wanted. I gave what I gave.
I'm not sorry I met you. I'm not sorry it's over.
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.
No, I'm not sorry there's nothing to save.
Have you ever been cheated on?
Yes.
Have you ever cheated?
I don't know.
Would you date someone who's known for cheating, if yes why?
I wouldn't date someone notorious for cheating, and I'd prefer for a person never to have done it, but I also don't believe that cheaters never change. I know I have been in a situation before where I almost succumbed to the pressure to do so, and even though I gained the strength to drop it before it became something real, I can understand how easy it would have been for me not to do so. It's much easier than people may think to get yourself in compromising situations, and not everyone can do what I did and get out.
What's the most important part of a relationship?
Friendship. The easiest part of a relationship is the beginning, when everything is butterflies in your stomach and fluttering heartbeats, but that cannot last forever. Eventually, that passion will burn away into something both more and less potent: love. And that love cannot be healthy without a friendship as a basis. Yes, it's fun to kiss and cuddle, but you have to be able to laugh together. You have to be able to understand each other. Nothing works for long if that cannot happen.
Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings?
Serious relationships, always, always, always.
When you are dating someone do you believe in going on "breaks"?
I think that maybe it could work for some people, but I don't think that would work for me.
How many people have you ever hooked up with?
I don't "hook up."
What's one thing you regret saying or not saying, doing or not doing in a previous relationship?
I regret talking to Cameron while I was dating Eugene. I never cheated on Eugene, but I was so sickeningly attached to Cameron that when he tried to pry his way back into my life as some sort of secret affair, I came far too close to letting him before I shut the door completely.
What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start having sex?
I have two opinions on this and two opinions only.
1. There is no appropriate "age" to start having sex. If you love someone, do what you want. Wait till marriage, don't wait till marriage. Doesn't matter. What matters is being responsible and doing it out of love and devotion and not raw passion.
2. However, if you are not old enough to drive yourself home afterward, you are not old enough to do something so important.
Do you believe in the phrase, "Age is just a number?" Why or why not?
Whatever and whoever makes you happy I guess, but it is rather suspicious when old, rich skeletons of men marry these hot women and call it love.
What about "Love at first sight"? Why or why not?
Naw. That's called lust.
Turn ons?
Dark hair. Stubble. Silliness.
Turn offs?
Pretentousness. Taking things too seriously. Messy eyebrows.
One of these is not like the other...
What do you consider a deal breaker?
Lack of ambition. Ignorance.
How do you know it's time to end a relationship?
There are lots of reasons to end a relationship, both illegitimate and legitimate, but if you are not happy, you should not stay. And I don't mean you had a fight and you're pissed off. I don't mean he didn't give you what you wanted or he said something offensive. Fighting is good! Fighting makes you stronger if you work past it. But I suppose, in general: if your relationship is holding your very being back, if your relationship is turning you into a person you do not want to be, if your relationship is not working toward something constructive, then it is time to end a relationship.
Are you currently in a relationship? If yes, for how long? If no, how long have you been single?
I am in a relationship. It's been a little over a month, so it's still pretty new. December 28.
Do you think people who have dated can stay friends?
I think that other people can make it work. I have never been that person.
Do you think people should date their friends?
I think people should only date people who they consider friends.
How many relationships have you had?
Several, but probably only three "serious" ones.
Do you think love can last forever?
I think that love itself can last forever, but I think that not everyone is capable of having a love that lasts forever. For whatever reason.
We'll see what happens to me.
Do you believe love can conquer all things?
No.
Would you break up with someone your parents didn't approve of?
I don't know. It depends on why they didn't like them.
If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating, what would it be?
Oh, Haley, Haley, Haley. I know how much you hate yourself. I know how scared and disgusted you are with the world around you. I know that you think you're worthless and I know how hopeless you feel sometimes, but that does not mean that you do not deserve the utmost respect. You are going to waste your time with these boys who make you feel like you're nothing, and you won't understand what's wrong with you. Waste that time! Do it! Do everything wrong, but make sure you learn from it because without it, you won't get to this beautiful place. Someday, you're going to get a job at Baskin Robbins and you'll meet this cute and quiet shift manager of yours and slowly, working with him becomes a dance that takes you to Texas Roadhouse on the day of the apocalypse and ringing in the New Year with hours of kisses, and even if this relationship crashes and burns, it will teach you that you deserve to be happy, that you deserve good morning texts and cake pops on your birthday, and for some unknown reason, you may snag, even if it just temporarily, someone who makes you feel like you owe a debt to a God you don't even believe in for bringing this person into your life. If it works out for long-term, it'll be great, and if not, you're going to be okay. You will always be okay because you're you. Remember that.
Do you think long distance relationships can work? Why or why not?
Yes. Travis and Colleen.
What do you notice first about another person?
I suppose the way that they carry themselves.
Do gay, lesbians, bisexuals or transgender people bother you?
Never.
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